No sparkling huge news to report just this second, but I thought for the sake of trying to keep warm in this godawful January weather, I would post a few random happy things:

-I helped organize a retirement party for a coworker friend. Despite someone sending me emails panicking about the fact that it was at the exact same time as some other work function, it was a huge success. My friend thanked me three times and gave me big hugs. There was a bit of stress organizing and a small organizer power struggle, but in the end he really loved his party and felt loved, so yay!

-Yesterday morning a coworker marched up to me and said: “Holy crap, you are photogenic! Did you see the photos of you at the retirement party? Gorgeous.” To answer her question, yes, I have seen the photos and grimaced afterwards. I thought I looked so out of place and awful in those photos, so hearing her kind words made my morning.

-Despite the fact that it kinda sucks, I have been getting up an hour early twice a week to work out before work. It’s sweaty, groggy craziness and I am going to up it to three times a week!

-That same complimenting coworker left a cheese scone from Herb and Spice on my desk. Clearly the woman is awesome!

-Skyping with Travis last night! Hi Travis!

-With the Comic Book Shoppe gift certificate Hubby gave me, I bought two great new comics-Sweet Tooth and Fables. I really liked both, but may spend the rest of the certificate on more Fables issues. If you haven’t heard of them, they are a grown-up twist on beloved children fairy tales. Great stuff!

-I designed three wine bottle labels and am pleased with the results. They almost look professional!

What are some recent happy/positive events in your life?

Cat picture-http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Fables-http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fables_(comics)

Created by Bill Willingham-http://www.billwillingham.com/contents.html

A friend recently announced on Facebook that they had quit their job so they could work full-time as a writer. They had always dreamed of becoming one and they’re going to give it their best shot. I hope they succeed because A) They are a great writer and person and B) As a fellow dream chaser or at the very least, a-striving-for-better-lifer, it would be very encouraging.

Anyways, this person later posted a link to a great article called “25 Things every writer needs to stop doing” and top of the list was worrying. It’s a useless habit, the author says, and kind of like that old episode of MAD TV with Bob Newhart, admonishes the anxious writer and says “Stop it!”

Easier said than done, but in all honesty, he’s absolutely right. It is a bad habit that achieves nothing positive and is certainly not restricted to aspiring or established professional writers. After coming back to work and muddling through the blues and crankiness, I’ve also been worrying about my future: What if I don’t get into the Graphic Design program? What if I hate it? It’s tough, what if I can’t hack it? What if I can’t find decent summer temp jobs? What if we run out of money? What if I take the program, graduate and still hate my job? Or worse: What if I can’t find a job? Graphic Design is a pretty saturated market, lots of creativity and talent out there.

And then comes the wave of regrets and ‘What was I thinking not pursuing this sooner?’ broken record..

There’s also a portfolio workshop at the college coming up next month. You bring your book(s) and those in charge of the more creative programs (Graphic Design, Animation, Interior Design) give you some input. While I am proud of my eagerness, I am scared to death of that day. I spent hours working on my portfolio, what if they don’t like it? I very well may go completely batshit.

But all this worrying is giving me a migraine and cutting in on my precious sleeping, so y’know what? Fuck it. I am working my ass off to get in, all I can do is hope they appreciate the effort and give me a chance. I have researched this career, audited classes and it sounds right, nay it feels right, but if God forbid, I do end up not liking it in the end, then I’ll deal with it or keep fighting to find my fit. (Or at least best compromise)

Because that’s all any of us can do; Work hard, hope for the best and fight for the gratification to be proud of ourselves and our achievements.

Charlie Brown (model of anxiety and overanalysis): http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/and-all-jazz/201003/the-charlie-brown-theory-personality

B has nominated me for a Versatile Blogger award. Thanks B!

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs you enjoy reading.
4. Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

Here goes:

1. I’m an animal lover, but am mildly allergic. It’s annoying, but I’m too stubborn and too much of an animal nut to give up my pets.

2. Like everyone else, I’ve got flaws, but I feel like I’ve made major progress in improving or at least softening them a bit, the past while. And one of my year round resolutions is to be less hard on myself and others, happiness comes when you (finally) learn to listen to your inner voice but still realize that you and others are bound to mess up now and then. The important thing is to learn from your own and others imperfections.

3. If I had my way, the sincerely talented and those who actually contribute positively to society would get their own “reality” shows along with the compensation, while the majority of the ones currently on TV would be forced into menial jobs where their inner narcissist beast is rarely indulged or encouraged.

4. I don’t understand why women find Tom Cruise, that greasy Twilight guy, Shia LeBoeuf or Ryan Gosling attractive. I’ve had crushes on “popular” male celebrities before, but these guys don’t inspire much in me except boredom. (And eye rolling at Tom Cruise and his “Psychiatry/psychiatric medicine is evil because Scientology told me so” rants)

5. After my undergrad, I wanted to make films and had seriously considered studying at Ryerson for Film Production and even went to their open house with my father years ago. However, the idea of having to move to Toronto and into a dorm in order to pursue such a lofty career that is insanely competitive and fickle scared the hell out of me, so I decided against doing it.

6. I would love to finish at least one of my stories and maybe, if I’m really lucky, see them published. I have some solid ideas but have a hell of a time fleshing them out and writing good endings. But there are some local writing workshops and groups that I’d like to check out.

7. If despite more writing, research and attending literary social events, number 6 still doesn’t work out, I will happily accept designing book/magazine covers as a compromise. Illustrating graphic novels/comics is also very appealing to me. I am a visual artist first and foremost, plus this would provide a great excuse to feed my voracious reading appetite.

So now I have to pass this award along, but I don’t have the time to list 15, so here are seven great blogs, discovered in the past year or so- Laura Best, Always Hungry, Thoughtsappear, Blunt Delivery, Heartfelt, Avocadoexplosion and Mod Mischief.(I may have known about this blog longer than that, but her site is so cool, I just had to include it!)

Happy New Year everyone! It is now 2012! Today is the last day of my Christmas break holidays and I am planning on making the most of it-starting with a brand new blog post for the year.

Selena got a Santa suit!

Christmas was good, spent it with my immediate family as planned and as a new twist this year, I also spent Christmas eve not at my grandmother’s like we usually do, but at my aunt’s place. My aunt breeds King Charles Cavalier spaniels and had nine of them over the holidays, and with our dog Selena, it came to 10 dogs! It felt like Dogapalooza and it was awesome!

Well, right up until the point where my allergies started protesting, then we had to leave. My aunt did offer two different kinds of allergy meds though which was appreciated. We also had to go because Hubby had been sick all week and he needed to lie down somewhere quiet without the hair of a million dogs wafting through the air.

On Christmas Day-after getting little sleep due to our noisy, whiny dog-we opened presents and ate breakfast. There were two present themes for me this year-Zombies and scented candles, and I got both aplenty, my brother even bought me a Walking Dead action figure with chomping action:

My photo of it didn’t turn out, so I got this one from Rue Morgue, with link to toys at the bottom of the page.

I also received all the books for A Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones), which I’m assuming are good, since my brother and Hubby began reading them and were hard pressed to put them down. After little sleep again, we went over to Hubby’s parents for Boxing Day. The day began with me experiencing a bout of acid reflux, which then morphed into a cold like Hubby’s, uh oh. But the food was good and I got some photos of the wild turkeys roaming in their yard:

Unfortunately my throat was so sore, I spent the rest of the day nodding and pointing, blowing my nose and hacking up phlegm, something that continued for the rest of the week.  I was still sick for my birthday-December 30- and tried to supress it with amaretto and ginger on New Years eve. Blech!

During my holidays, I had hoped to be more productive and get some more artwork done, which I did, but it was difficult since I just wanted to crash on the couch all day. But despite the crappy timing,  it was still a great holiday and I hope yours was too!

Picture: http://rue-morgue.com/blog/archives/2011/11/29/cryptic-collectibles-new-walking-dead-tv-series-action-figures/

As the holidays slowly creep closer and closer, I’ve been thinking about all the positive things in my life. Things aren’t perfect, but I have Hubby, my beautiful pets, our nice little rental house along with newfound hope and ambition for the future. And after some more initiative in the kitchen, I now have peanut butter marshmallow squares. Yum!:

Next will be the snowbars!  Food always makes me feel grateful!

During the past few weeks, I’ve had some great times with friends, my mother and I went to the Lansdowne Craft Sale for about the twentieth year in a row, and Hubby and I will be eating breakfast this week at our old breakfast hangout-Eggspectation. Just a nice romantic holiday outing for the two of us early in the morning. (It will be a nice change from the powdered instant coffee and oatmeal that I usually eat at my desk!)

This Christmas weekend I get to see my parents and my brother and his girlfriend, as well as show some love and attention to my grandmother who will tell me-rightly so-that I don’t call or visit nearly enough. (Sorry Grandma! I promise to try harder in the new year) We will spend some time with my in-laws, who I will try to think, critique because they care and are pretty great as far as in-laws go. (It could be worse!)

Thinking of the holidays also makes me realize how lucky I am to have such a “normal” (ie. Not completely disfunctional) immediate family. My parents worked hard to give my brother and me everything we wanted and made sure we felt loved. Growing up, every Christmas, birthday and then new year was special and they still are, which makes me feel very blessed.

As cornball and “Christmas special” as this sounds, being around such great people and having warm food and shelter are some of the best gifts that anyone could ever receive and I just want to say thank you to all the special people in my life.

This will probably be my last post for awhile, so I would like to wish you all the best in the holiday season and remember to give a hug to your loved ones-friends and/or family- not just for the gifts, but for being there.

Here is another pre-holiday post on some recent events: My last drawing class was last Thursday. We were having a potluck, but I wasn’t sure exactly how much food people were bringing, so out of fear of being hungry, I chowed down on a bison burger at Aude Dubliner across the street before class. Have you ever had bison? It’s actually pretty tasty. (Oh and I guess now is the time to confess that I’m no longer a vegetarian. Though I try to go veggie at least once a week, which is better than nothing right? )

 

                                         I am not a vegetable!

Anywho, I eat my burger, pay the bill, go to class and people start arriving with lots and lots of grub! One person brought a roast chicken and another a pizza! I was kicking myself for spending money on hairy cow with all this free gloriousness around, but ah well. After chatting, eating and drinking of wine, all the students and teachers got together and began painting or drawing the model. I set up my watercolours and it went well…right up until the point that I absently put my arm down in the wrong place and got covered with my paints, which was just slightly mortifying. Thankfully, a super cool guy came and helped me clean up. Here is the finished portrait:

My other socially awkward moment (I have a few) came when the model took a break and complained about her left foot hurting. I nodded in sympathy and said:

“You have really nice feet” and she kind of gave me a weird look and said “Thanks”

And it was at that point that I felt like a total weirdo, but it’s not like I said it in a creepy, foot-fetish way. I was more intending it as a compliment, because good feet are rare. But posing nude in front of people, I guess your bound to encounter some perverts who are in the class for the wrong reason, so she’s probably learned to be weary.

It was around this time that Hubby called and said he was downstairs. My instructor had invited him to the potluck. He came in, saw the naked chick in the room and went 180 degrees the other way. Two minutes later I got another call “You didn’t tell me that there would be a nude person in the room!”

“Sorry I figured you would have known since this is a figure drawing class” I responded

“Eh, I’ll wait. Call me when you’re done”

After class, he told me he didn’t want her to think he was leering at her, which I guess makes sense, but nudity isn’t a big deal to me and I just wanted him to see my work and meet my instructor. However, after the foot thing, it may have freaked out the model to suddenly see a strange guy looking at her. LOL

Anyways, after she was fully clothed, Hubby did meet my teacher who tried to get us out for drinks, which we politely declined. After working all day and hainging around the school, I imagined Hubby wanted to go home. I hugged her anyways and thanked her for a great class-She is so down to earth and funny and I’ve learned a lot. It was such a positive and supportive learning environment and the potluck really put a nice end to it.

Bison pic: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bison_Bull_in_Nebraska.jpg

Since a few people have asked, I thought I would post the recipe for Hungarian Cheese filled cookies. They are pretty awesome. And if you make them, don’t be like me and throw out surplus cheese filling because that stuff is pure gold and bakes down anyways!

2 cups butter                        3/4 cup ricotta cheese

1/2 cup white sugar             1 package (3 oz) softened cream cheese

2 tbsp milk                           1 egg yolk

1 1/2 tsp lemon extract        1/2 cup icing sugar

2 tbsp poppy seeds

4 cups flour

Heat oven to 325F. Beat butter, milk and lemon extract with mixer until creamy. Add poppy seeds. Gradually add flour, mix until smooth dough forms. Now for the filing,  in a separate bowl, beat ricotta, cream cheese, egg yolk and remaining 1/2 tsp lemon extract until smooth.

Shape dough into 1 inch balls and put on a ungreased cookie sheet. Press thumb into center of each cookie to make indentations, spoon some filing into each cookie.

Bake 18-20 minutes until cookies look dry and set (they will not brown). Cool and sprinkle with icing sugar. Yum!

In terms of more holiday cooking, my mom and I have divided up our traditional list of baking treats and I picked Peanut Butter Marshmallow Squares for Christmas and maybe Raspberry Snowbars. So I should have a good supply of treats around the house..

Anyways, in other festive news, I’m pretty much done my shopping. This year I went pretty nuts with it. Probably too nuts. After seeing my latest bills, I’m definitely going to have to reign it in. It’s tough though because I love buying presents and if I could I would buy my loved ones the world. What also doesn’t help is the high price of shipping-Cheese and rice, why does it cost so freakin’ much to ship things, especially relatively small items??? It’s a scam, for sure!

Anyways, there are plenty of other ways to show you care about someone than buying them stuff. I’ll probably get back into making some cards soon too.

What about you? How has your shopping been going?

For our first Festivus, I made some cookies-Poppy seed cheese and Whoopie Pie. The cheese ones turned out really well and kind of taste like shortbread with a hint of cream cheese in the middle:

The whoopie cookies are from Food and Drink magazine and I made them while Hubby went to his work’s holiday party. I was going to go to that party but have been experiencing weird foot and ankle soreness lately, so the idea of standing around holding a glass of wine all night in heels wasn’t probably the best idea:

Their holiday parties are usually pretty good, but I just needed to relax a bit. On Thursday night, on my way to art class, my ankles were really stiff and combined with a blah day at work and PMS, I was verging on gloominess. As mentioned, we were given free reign in the last two classes-The model struck one pose for three hours and we could depict her in an medium we wanted. I picked watercolour, which I love. During the first hour and a half, I was really far away and getting aggravated at how small she was on my paper. Plus, our teacher had this really annoying Bjork album on repeat, so we got to listen to weird wailing the whole time!

Normally, I love Bjork and have a few of her albums, but the one we heard in class was not good. I like listening to music while I paint, but not if it’s grating or too loud, it’s too distracting!  Luckily, however, I managed to switch places with another student, up close to the model and the teacher eventually changed the music to that Snow Patrol album that was popular awhile ago. Here is the end result of my picture:

I was using some inexpensive portable brushes that come in a little case, rather than my usual pricier ones. They work alright, not great, but they’re cheaper, so I guess you can’t expect too much. There are three teenage girls in the class and one of them was talking to me about her watercolour pencils. She showed them to me later and they have definitely peaked my interest. Something to try perhaps in the future. This image was captured also with my camera, not with my scanner. A new scanner is definitely something I need-because the one we have right now works about half the time and the rest of the time divides up the picture in separate, weird files. Anyways, during the class, my mood was also lifted a bit by the chirpiness of my classmates and people from other classes who were converging on the sink in the hallway to clean up their brushes.  One guy talked about the necessity of having a bucket while painting, while another joked around with me. The people in my class were in similar good spirits and everyone is very excited for the potluck we’ll be having for our last class next week. (I’m bringing fruits and veggies or rather Hubby is bringing them!)

So that’s it for me right now, I have a Festivus party to plan for, speaking of which, what do you guys think of our Festivus Pole? (aka Shower curtain rod wedged into a Christmas tree stand):

Pretty awesome right? ;) Have a great weekend!

The ball is slowly in motion and I have been busy getting the administrative parts organized, along with creating works to submit with my portfolio. The admin part of applying to a college program in Ontario is done through Ontario Colleges and goes like this:

-Create an account and password

-They give you account and application numbers

-Pay $89 to apply to desired program(s)

-Send them your high school and college/university transcripts

-Wait

-Wait some more

-Accept or deny letters of acceptance

Somewhere in between sending transcripts and accepting, you submit your portfolio and wish it luck.

I’m all set up in the system, paid the fees and they received my university transcript, it’s just my high school transcript that still hasn’t arrived yet.

On Remembrance Day, I went to my old high school to pick up my transcript. Being back in that building was a bit weird, but the place hasn’t changed too much. There are pictures of strangers on the wall who I didn’t recognize, but sure enough after a bit of browsing, I did find the keeners from my year who ran student council and familiars who won awards. As I watched a few teen stragglers drag their feet to the day’s assembly, I felt relieved to no longer be in high school. The secretary who gave me my transcript likened it to a “prison”, which I found a pretty accurate analogy. Anyways, $24 later, she handed me my transcript, which I delicately tried to stuff in the mailbox the following Monday.

So now, I’m just hoping that it has arrived in Guelph not to much worse for wear and they will send me a confirmation about it soon.

With most of the admin stuff out of the way, my main focus now is creating a brilliant portfolio and drawing tests. The tests involve redesigning a jewelry ad and drawing a self portrait. True story: If you Google “jewelry ad”, you end up with lots and lots of photos of naked chicks! Like porn for yuppies. But I guess sex sells and all that jazz. Somehow I don’t think if I designed an ad in the same way it would go over very well…or would it?

Apart from the school preparation stuff, it’s been pretty busy: We went to one of Hubby’s work party events and have another one this Friday, plus we are hosting our first ever “Festivus” party this weekend!  My Thursday night drawing classes are winding up too, the teacher asked me to bring my watercolour set to class. Three hours of drawing and painting nude people fun! Lastly Christmas/Hanukkah/Yule season is coming up, so we’ve started shopping and will be decorating the house soon. Lots going on!

Not too long ago I made a major life decision: I’m going back to school. Full time for the next three years.

It wasn’t an easy decision, but it was one I felt I had to make. My job is going nowhere. I’m overqualified and the work is not exactly what I envisioned doing for the rest of my life.

So I’ll be making the leap into another career where I will use my visually creative skills more often, as opposed to just sneaking in some ‘drawing time’ at lunch. So after much rumination and talking, I’ve decided to pursue Graphic Design.

It’s an intimidating process for various reasons: I’m thirty years old, I’ll have to give up a steady pay cheque in a fairly secure job and will have to look into student loans, not to mention the fact that we’ll have to put off home ownership for at least another three years. Reproducing will also be put on hold (If you can do it than that’s seriously amazing, but I would prefer to not juggle studies and kids), which makes me a bit sad and nervous, as the closer you get to forty, the less likely you are to have a choice on that subject anymore. But if I had to pick between owning a home and having a baby but giving up on self actualization and career satisfaction vs. going off and pursing my passion, I would pick the latter any day of the week!

The past few months have been tough though: My mind has been a sea of regret, drifting back to my early twenties, prodding me with questions like : “Why the heck didn’t you go to art school when you were still living with your parents?” or “Why didn’t you jump into Graphic Design shortly after your Psych undergrad?” All I can answer is that I was and still am interested in Psych, but after realizing that grad school wasn’t for me, I naively thought I could be happy working a clerical job full time and doing creative stuff part time. Finding a well paying (or any type of paying) career in the arts field is also very difficult, so it just didn’t seem very practical at the time. Plus, my twenties were when I met and married Hubby and we had lots of great adventures together, and I also traveled to Scotland and Vancouver, which would have been more difficult financially to do had I been in school at the time.

It wasn’t until semi-recently, that I decided that I should just follow my heart and if I end up broke, then so be it, at least I tried! After reaching the big 3-0, I believe that I now know myself better and what is important to me and having a better career is at the top of that list! The time for daydreaming is over and now it’s time for preparation and work and I am looking forward to it!

How about you readers: Are you happy with your career? Are you considering going back to school?

Photo: http://www.whatsupblog.com/?p=36