Question

Have you ever felt like someone you’ve known for awhile is maybe holding something back? Drifting away? A good friend who, you suspect, is not as interested in keeping your friendship going but won’t say it?

You haven’t said or done anything wrong..they weren’t any blow-up arguments…just silence and a lack of communication.

Perhaps their busy, but then, somehow they still manage to go on Facebook with daily updates on their status.

It hurts and kinda pisses you off and you want to stay close, but there is nothing you can do.

Their drifting away…and when you complain, people tell you its part of being an “adult” and to forget about them

Is it too much to ask to keep at least one of your older friends?

Apparently so.

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15 thoughts on “Question

  1. quackattack

    I had a couple episodes of this over the last couple of weeks … sometimes it helps to just confront the person on it … to get clarity. Don’t know if you’ve tried that already, but I can at least say from my own experience that sometimes these things are more in our heads than those of the friend about whom we’re concerned.

    … my two cents.

    I hope it works out 🙂

  2. pinklea

    Not a nice feeling, is it? I’ve also experienced being “defriended”, but as you noted, it does happen sometimes for no discernible reason. And really, you can’t ever make someone be your friend, no matter how badly you want them to be. You will come to terms with it in time, though. I did!

  3. hannah78 Post author

    Quackattack-I might try and talk to them about it, but they are the type of person who might just assume that I’m being overly sensitive. *sighs*
    Pinklea-Too true, you can’t make someone like you and part of me thinks “screw them”! But I’ve known this person for so long and thought they cared more, so its hard. I probably will come to accept it eventually though.

  4. Hella Stella

    That’s hard… I know that for me, I would probably keep fretting until I was able to talk to them about it. Easier said than done, though…

  5. Linda

    Friendship is a toughie. I’ve lost some really good friends and I’m still not sure why. It’s like I have to be nearby to hear from them. Christmas hurts my feelings when I don’t get a card. It shoudn’t be a lot of work.

  6. Robin

    I totally understand, it sucks that a friendship can be great one day and gone the next. My friends used to be everything but now I don’t hang my hopes on them anymore.

  7. hannah78 Post author

    Hella Stella-I worry about it all the time too, but it is difficult to talk to them about it. (Which in itself, is probably not a good sign)
    Linda-Friendship shouldn’t be so much work but for some reason, it has been for me. I guess I need new friends. Oh and I hate not getting Christmas cards either.
    Robin-Yeah, its probably best not to hang your hopes on them. Many people tend to put their friends on the bottom rung of their priority list. Which is sad, I think.

  8. XUP

    I’ve usually found that when something like this happens it means the friend has either found a new girlfriend/boyfried and/or discovered a new social group which is sucking up all his/her time, energy and focus. So maybe they feel they’ve outgrown you or for some reason think you don’t fit in with the new person/group. I’d just chill if I were you. Send them a hello once in a while to let them know you’re still there. Maybe the thrill of whatever they’re into will wear off and they’ll be back. Send them a hello once in a while. If you get nothing back long enough, you just let them drift.

  9. Darrell

    I’m sure a lot of my friends – people I have no intention of alienating or losing as friends – may think or have thought in the past that I’m no longer interested.

    I’m bad with birthdays, I fall out of touch for long periods sometimes, I don’t make a lot of outbound phonecalls, and I despise getting in touch with people for no good reason (i.e. sending cards just because it’s Christmas).

    The people I count as friends have, I think, largely accepted that from me. They know it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go out of my way for them if they really needed me, or don’t want to see them socially.

  10. raino

    i feel for you hannah. i can’t say that i know the feeling but i think that i have probably made people feel that way once or twice before. i know – my bad! so, speaking from the ‘other side’ i would say that there are times in my life that i have felt that i have outgrown a friend. i know it sounds really bad but it does happen. i used to have many friends. none of us had kids. then i had twins and felt that i had nothing more in common with them. it wasn’t so much that I didn’t wanna hang with them i sorta felt that maybe they would not wanna hang with me. could that be it? did something change? a status? why don’t you talk to her/him straight up? just ask.

  11. hannah78 Post author

    XUP-Yeah its probably because they are hanging with a new crowd, but they’ve been with that new crowd awhile so the lack of communication is weird. I sent them a hello recently and still haven’t heard back, so I probably will just let them drift.
    Darrell-Well call me crazy, but I think friends should keep in touch at least once in awhile, even when their adults and have obligations. But I’m learning that they are many people like you and maybe I shouldn’t take it so personally.
    Raino-Well I have friends with kids and still talk with them, so I think in your case, you both might have changed in other ways and drifted apart. I might ask her what the dealio is later on. Then again, maybe I’ve outgrown her as well and should move on..

  12. Nat

    Well, there may be a number of factors at play. People change and grow. This is going to sound lame but I don’t have a lot of close friends. I just don’t have the energy to maintain them anything like the friendships I had in university.

    People change. I’d go with what Chris said — give her room. Lay back. If she comes back great. Otherwise, let her go.

  13. bearette24

    One of my friends was like that. So I let things drift because she didn’t seem interested. Now she’s engaged and reaching out again.

  14. hannah78 Post author

    Nat-I’ve been giving her tons of room, but still nothing. Ah well, I plan on doing what you suggested.
    Bearette-Funny how that happened. Are you in the wedding party?

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