Swaping Crazy Bus Stories

Last night I joined my husband and a friend of his at the Royal Oak.  After discussing various topics, we started to share some of our more outrageous tales of riding on the OC Transpo, since three of us are regular bus patrons. His friend-I’ll call him Ed-Since he is from Edmonton,  Alberta, had some interesting tales of his experiences with Ottawa’s  only method of public transit.  Here are some exerpts from the conversation*:

Ed: “I was on the number 2 bus, which is usually..interesting, when this woman got on with a stroller. She sat at the front of the bus and her baby started to cry. She tried to calm him down but he kept screaming non-stop. Everyone else on the bus is trying to ignore the noise and not give the woman a hard time. But there is this guy sitting near her who keeps glaring at the screaming baby. “

Me: “O.k.”

Ed: “Finally, he gets up and says to her: ‘Ma’am, I think your baby is possessed by the Devil and I must exorcise him’.

Me: “Seriously?”

Ed: “Yes, so he puts his hands on the baby’s forehead and starts chanting and demanding the demon leave this poor child. Meanwhile the woman is pulling the exit cord, like ‘ding, ding, ding. let me off NOW!’

Me: “Hahah, that’s awesome”

Ed: “It was the craziest thing I have ever witnessed on that bus”

Me: “Somebody once told me that two women got into fisticuffs on the 95 or something over a bus seat. One of them had her bag on the seat next to her, so no-one could sit down. The other woman got annoyed at this and said: ‘Did you bag pay to ride the bus too?’

Ed: “Ooooo”

Me: “Well this caused the woman sitting down to fly into a rage and they got into a huge brawl, while everyone else ran to the back to get away from them. One of the women, pulled the others sweater over her head, like they do in hockey games. These were middle-aged, yuppies who live in the suburbs.”

Ed: “You never expect women like that to get into that kind of confrontation.”

Me: “Nope, but it looks like they do” (Or at least when it comes to life and death stuff like a bus seat. LOL).

Hubby: “I once saw a woman get on the bus and she asked for a transfer even though she had a bus pass. Well she took the bus pass, licked it and stuck in this binder that had hundreds of other passes. “

Ed and me thinking ‘WTH?’

Me: “There’s this guy who rides on the 101 with me. He has these oversized headphones on and his music literally blares from them, so everyone can hear. The worst part is he listens to shitty music like Nickleback, so its 45-minutes of crap that no one can tune out.  I also listen to music, but I keep it nowhere near that loud, but when he sits next to me, everyone keeps turning around and giving me dirty looks, like I’m too blame for the cheesy cock rock. Nobody says anything to him though because he looks like a football player-He’s bald, with huge muscles and is 6’5 or something.”

Ed: “Man! I can’t wait until I get a car”

Me: *Laughs* “Yeah at least with a car you don’t have to sit next to the jerks and weirdos, you just hear them honk their horns”

How about you guys? Any crazy bus stories you would like to share?

*Ed gave his permission to be quoted on this site, as did Hubby*

Picture: http://metrodeviation.com/2009/02/03/oc-perks-kinda-ironic/

13 thoughts on “Swaping Crazy Bus Stories

  1. Kate

    Transit stories are the best, aren’t they? I have two favorites of my own.

    1. St. Patrick’s Day. Girl gets on the train with her friend. They sit. Train starts moving. Girl looks queasy. Throws up green beer everywhere — in her purse, down her front, on her friend, on the seat, on the floor. Girls get off at next stop. Man gets on and nearly sits in puke.

    2. Sardine-can rush hour train. Man in one seat, empty backpack in seat next to him. Woman asks to sit there. Man says, “This is a wish seat. You WISH you could sit here.” I consider picking up his backpack and throwing it out the door at the next stop. Instead I glare at him. He starts shouting, “Oh no, no, no, NO!” (Like oh no, you DIN’T!) We stare each other down until he gets off train.

  2. Pauline Post author

    Kate- 1. Ew
    2. Jesus, what an asshole! I mean, I know there are a lot of bastards out there, but that’s a whole other level of bastardom! Good on ya for giving him the stink eye! I hope he is forced to stand because of some other inconsiderate asshole next time he’s on the bus!

  3. bevchen

    Re. Kate’s number 2 -I always put my bag down on the seat next to me on the train. If someone comes and asks if the seat is free I will let them sit on it, but I hate it! The person who wants to sit next to me is always either hugely fat (like so bits of them ooze under the armrest and onto MY seat. Ick) or smelly.

  4. Pauline Post author

    Bevchen-No one wants to have someone sit next to them on the bus, but if the bus is packed, then you should move your bags. They shouldn’t be forced to stand because they might be ‘fat and/or smelly’.

  5. Counter Culture Clown

    Half my blog is bus stories. I’m pretty sure my aborted fetus picture tops all. :P

  6. Pauline Post author

    Counter Culture Clown-That’s true and that aborted fetus picture story probably does outdo most bus tales in the insanity department!

  7. Foggy Dew

    Going down to the Yellow Line platform in the Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro station (D.C.) a couple of weeks ago, there was some guy leaning up against the wall next to the escalator taking a leak. He was pretty plowed and wearing a Caps jersey (explains a couple of things).

    I was so stunned I almost didn’t point it out to my friends. Thankfully I recovered and we were able to soundly berate the idiot.

    I’ve seen a lot of things on the Metro, but this is probably the worst so far.

  8. Pauline Post author

    Foggy Dew-Eww! I’ve got a gross story too: I once saw a guy on the back of the bus with his legs spread far apart. He was wearing loose, short shorts and no underwear, so you can imagine what was on display. *shudders*

  9. XUP

    My craziest bus person was the woman (about 35ish) whose husband or boyfriend was breaking up with her over the cell phone and she was freaking out, crying and calling him names and calling him about about screwing around with various people and then she confessed to have sex with some guy one night and she went into quite a bit of detail. And all this was at the top of her lungs. It was quite entertaining.

  10. mindfulmerchant

    I only have TO bus/subway experience. Two stories come to mind…the first was a man hopped on the bus talking about Jeeezus and then repeating the crudest words about him over and over. Then he came up to everyone in the bus and “exorcised the demons” from us. Freaky – and no one said a word…we just thanked him after and kind of laughed. The other crazy thing was a young girl hopped on the bus at 10pm totally drunk. She sat on the floor in the middle of the subway and peed her pants. Everyone just watched the pee make a river with every stop/start. Really gross. I hopped off soon after….I always wondered what happend to her.

  11. Pauline Post author

    XUP-That’s crazy, but far too common. Why people feel the need to publicly express their personal life so loudly on the bus is beyond me.
    Mindfulmerchant-Maybe your exorcist was the same as Ed’s! ;)

  12. Pie

    I’ve put in a couple of strange bus tales on my own blog, but the ones I’ve read here, including your own, win hands down. Maybe I should visit Ottawa and try out the public transport to gain more material.

    The only one I can think of is the time I was sitting quietly on a bus when this very large woman walked along the aisle. I had a bad feeling about this one and I was right. She stopped beside me, then threw herself on the seat, squashing me flat. It was a small bus and I’m a small pie. I couldn’t say anything as she had the kind of look that said “if you want to take me on, be prepared to die.” Thankfully, she wasn’t on the bus for long, but I lost the use of my right side for a while.

  13. Pauline Post author

    Pie-”if you want to take me on, be prepared to die.”
    LOL! I hate people like that. Being overweight doesn’t excuse you from common courtesy and not throwing yourself down on top of someone. I feel for these people, but not if they’re jerks like that!

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