Women Hating Women

This past weekend, when I wasn’t painting, cooking, cleaning or chastising Spencer, I was watching some episodes of “The Real Housewives” (Of Atlanta and New York respectively) Months ago, I told myself that I wouldn’t watch the “Real Housewives”, but somehow over the course of a year, they have practically taken over TV. The main reason I watch is for voyeuristic reasons-I enjoy watching people waste spend their money on all sorts of frivolous things.

But honestly sometimes the yelling, fighting and backstabbing gets old! Yes, I know that these shows are mainly an excuse to show women being bitchy to one another and we all gasp and laugh at their expense. And yes, admittedly it can be pretty funny when they go nuts and do things like flip tables. But often times, it just makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with us? Meaning women.

Granted we may not all be as obnoxious, shallow, insecure and selfish as these chicks, but many of us are just plain awful to one another. Of course being cruel and petty is a (destructive) human characteristic, and obviously is shared among both genders.  (I hate how women get the lion share of the blame for gossiping, when I have known some HORRIBLE male gossips in my day.) But when it comes to overall psychological warfare and excluding others, nobody does it better than women.

For example, why do women feel compelled to put each others physical characteristics down? ie: “I hate skinny bitches!” or ” She is so ugly/slutty/looks like a man/ etc”.  Similar to my last post outlining the verbal gaffes expressed by certain men that work in direct opposition to feminism and equality, this is an immature route that also delays our progression in society.  In terms of the skinny comment, I am a fairly thin person and have experienced harassment for my build just like everyone else-In junior and high school. I was called things like “anorexic”, “sickly” and “flat chested”. These words hurt, particularly when I wished that I could look like the more “curvacious” early bloomers in my class.  Larger women face much harsher criticism much more often, but that does not excuse some of them from being catty and bitchy towards those who had nothing to do with the criticism in the first place.

Exclusion is another stupid behaviour that drives me mental! I’ve seen it in high school and still see it at work and outside of work. Of course, you’re not going to like everyone equally, but if another woman who you don’t know very well wants to join but is a bit different than you or your friends, you should invite her. Who knows, you may end up really liking her. (This apparently happened to someone in one of my online womens social groups and is making me consider quitting that group) Now, I’m not perfect. I do gossip and can be mean, but usually it is only out of a response to someone being cruel to me first. However, yes, I realize this is immature and am working on not focusing so much on slights.

Most women want to their contributions to society to be as valued as mens. But if we are to be taken 100% seriously as equals, need to stop with the jealousy and pettiness and instead focus on building each other up and supporting one another first.

Cats Fighting: http://www.unionversity.com/the-top-10-best-images-of-ninja-cats

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20 thoughts on “Women Hating Women

  1. HippieCahier

    There are going to be at least two comments from me because I have to stop right off the bat and laugh at the picture. TOO funny! Ok, now I’m going to read….and then I suspect I’ll have much to say. . . .

  2. HippieCahier

    Augh. I wrote a really long comment, but I’m preaching to the choir.

    You make excellent points, I’m afraid. But, there are some genuine gems in friendship. It’s just a matter of sifting through, feeling confident in yourself and attracting others who feel that way as well. Those who aren’t afraid of others have no reason to tear them down.

    Or something like that.

    I hope. 🙂

  3. Alissa

    I worked in a corporate enviornment with mostly women. It was the worse experience of my life. It was so catty and no one could get work done because it was all about who had the biggest rings, nicest clothes and most expensive handbags. Not to mention, who was thinnest. It was more about keeping up appearances than work!

  4. Robin

    I’ve grown to enjoy women’s company less and less, but then there are a lot of men who irritate me. I have a select few people who I find to be quality anymore.

  5. Kate

    The exclusion thing kills me. Just kills me. It happened more than enough to me growing up, particularly in elementary and junior high school, and I believe it’s had a long-term effect on me. I really, truly hate the process of making new friends with new groups of people because this voice in the back of my head tells me they’re going to reject me. The upside is, I know all too well what rejection feels like and it’s made me that much nicer to people who want to become part of whatever group I’m in.

  6. The Mindful Merchant

    The photo is fantastic.

    Women can be vicious. I cannot believe what I am seeing in the school yard in the primary grades. A small portion of girls are so manipulative and nasty. At the risk of stereotyping…I don’t see that kind of manipulation and exclusion with the boys in that age group. How does this happen so young? Makes me so sad.

  7. Pauline Post author

    Hippiecahier-LOL. It is a good pic isn’t it?
    You are right about having the right attitude and trying attracting others who are also positive. I hope I can do that!:)
    Alissa-That sounds awful, but it is too common when you work mostly with all women. It’s good if the work environment is 50/50, that way the estrogen or testosterone doesn’t get too high. LOL
    Robin-It can be hard to find people who are positive and make you feel good about yourself.

  8. Betty

    LOVE the photo! Although I don’t work IN an office (I’m a home-based worker), I do travel with my colleagues several times a year. My colleagues are mostly women. There is a group that we refer to as the “Mean Girls” because they play the exclusion game. What they don’t understand is that most people don’t want to be around them anyway.

  9. Pearl

    Let’s blame TV and media. men talk to men cooperatively. a woman talks to a man, but there are scant models of women talking to women.

  10. Pop Champagne

    ha! speaking of this topic. the fashion show I went to last weekend, when I walked in backstage to take pics, I got the meanest stink eye from the models backstage until I told them that I’m here to blog and take pics of them, then all of the sudden their expression went from “I’m too good for you” to “OMG! HOW ARE YOU?!?!” it pissed me off and made me not want to take pics of them lol. liks how shallow can you be!?

  11. XUP

    I don’t think this is exclusively a female trait. My last office was pretty much all men and there was just as much exclusion and back-stabbing and snarkiness and bitchiness as in any women-only environment. The only difference I could see is that men seem to be able to put all that aside when a job needs to get done, while women seem to not compartmentalize like that.

  12. Pauline Post author

    Pearl-LOL. True. But how many shows are there with women yelling at each other or doing nasty things behind each others backs? Drama is becoming too popular.
    Pop Champagne-That’s not cool! Some women cannot be nice just for the sake of being nice.
    XUP-I’ve worked in male dominated environments too before but I’ve never seen what you did. Weird. But yes, women tend to let disagreements ruin their entire day and brood about it at work.

  13. Jen

    I’ve worked in a few different places, but the only one I worked where it was 98.9 % women was probably the most toxic environment I have ever experienced. Before or since, I’ve never had coworkers actively trying to sabotage and destroy each other. In hindsight, I don’t know how I even made it 3 months in, what I’ve come to refer to as, The Viper’s Nest. It was the one job that really inspired me to work for myself, so at least there’s that.

  14. Pauline Post author

    Jen-Yikes! What a ridiculously immature environment! Some women need to realize how toxic and uncomfortable they make things by being stupid like that. Plus it makes them look bad! But I guess some people haven’t grown at all past grade five.

  15. meanie

    i feel sooo lucky to have shed all that mean girl stuff years ago – my little circle of girlfriends is pretty awesome. venturing out of my little safety net, the gals i work with are great, but the other moms i encounter can at times be really mean! there are two groups divided by working moms and stay at homes. i am the middle of them because i work part time. i have to say the stay at homes can be downright catty towards the working moms.
    i love my gays though, they can be catty but oh so funny…..

  16. Pauline Post author

    Meanie-You’re lucky to have such a reliable, supportive, tight knit group of girlfriends. As for the divided mommy groups, that is so bloody ridiculous! Women always have this dumb propensity to divide into smaller factions and declare war on each other. If you’ve had or haven’t had a kid, or work or stay at home, you should be able to make friends with anyone.

    As for the gays, yes some can be catty too, but they tend to be a bit wittier about it!

  17. leashieloo

    I think it all boils down to insecurity. Women love to tear others down when they’re unhappy with themselves. Especially when their jealous. It probably also doesn’t help that it’s almost socially acceptable for women to act like this.

  18. Pauline Post author

    Leashieloo-You’re probably right about the insecurity thing and definitely right that society practically encourages women to be bitchy. (ie. They get reality shows!)

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